The worst part of Christmas is trying to find that special gift for that special
someone who answers the question, "What do you want for Christmas?" with a
shrug.
Looking for ideas, I've discovered that hidden away in junk mail catalogs are some
unusual gifts that are sure to make my special someone stare at me and ask if I enjoyed my
stay in the psychiatric ward.
A very practical gift is the (this really exists) Tie Shield. For the low, low price of
just $12, you can buy a "fashionable" polka dot plastic tie, visible from
anywhere in the banquet hall, that your loved one clips to his real tie. Prior to eating
with important clients, he pulls the Tie Shield down over his real tie like a window
shade. Then, when he's done spilling his gravy and potatoes upon himself, he snaps the Tie
Shield back into its case and splatters the food particles all over his suit.
Another helpful gift is the Sock Organizer -- the perfect solution for gift buyers who
are especially desperate. The Sock Organizer is 12 compartments that easily assemble to
fit any dresser drawer. It's the perfect gift for those who can't see that they're wearing
one plain sock and a striped one. The compartments come with labels so your special
someone can know for certain that what he's putting on his feet, for example, are not
boxer shorts. The labels can also indicate which ones are the smelly gym socks or the
socks with one hole as opposed to the socks with two holes. A label could also read:
Missing Socks.
For the executive who likes to put his feet up on the desk -- with or without socks --
but doesn't want to give clients the wrong impression, there's the Foot Coaster -- a foam
cushion that prevents unsightly scuff marks.
A gift for your obnoxious special someone is the bicycle bell specially designed to
attach to a beer or coffee mug, so that whenever he (or she) is ready for a refill, he can
ring and ring and ring the bell to get the attention of the waitress as well as everyone
else in the room, who finally communicate to him the message that he'd better silence that
bell, using words such as, "Here, take my coffee -- in your lap."
I'm glad Christmas has become so materialistic. If it weren't commercialized, how would
we find out that such interesting gifts were available? And how would we understand the
Wise Men who gave gifts to the Holy Infant on Epiphany Sunday?
It takes a lot of wise thinking to shop for Christmas gifts.
I heard of a family who had so little wisdom, they decided not to buy presents for each
other. Instead, they took old items from around the house, redecorated them and gave them
back to the same people as gifts. They also took time to hand-make new gifts. Just think
of the opportunities these people missed. No one bought for the father, who played golf,
any of the many items available for golfers, such as the Golf Ball Cleaner that looks like
an oversized golf ball which opens to expose a wet sponge that cleans the dirty balls
which are about to be putted back into dirt.
That family told me it was the most joy-filled Christmas they ever had.
